You are going to encounter people who do not think you should be raising your grandchildren, etc. It isn't because you are a bad person. It is because they are essentially big phonies, manipulators, hypocrites if you will, and they don't want to understand the situation.
They will hit you with the myths we posted. They want you to believe that you are crazy for even thinking about this. They will tell you that you are taking away your adult child's rights to do what they see as fit.
They are full, to the brim, of horse hockey.
Leaving kids in a precarious situation, to the point where those children are in danger of abandonment and/ or neglect, is simply wrong. You are probably the best answer here. Use your own experts and make your own informed conclusions. Do not rely on people who butt their noses into your life, even if they are your sibling, your alleged best friend, or other adult children (unless those adult children are willing to lend a hand and can do so).
After these nosy people open their mouths, make no comment. Walk away from them. Instead, go home, and think about what you know about these intruders into your life. They are likely to be the jerks they are, if you just give it some thought.
I have a sister, as I have mentioned earlier. She is not happy unless somebody is on the outs in our large family, and at least one other family person is "on her side" as it were. She has, in the past, said hateful untruths to each of us in turn. Currently, I am again the object of her attention, and she has my brother and sister-in-law in her corner- to the point where they will not attend our youngest sister's New Year's party, as my family and I will attend, including the children the Mister and I adopted that were once our grandchildren.
I am supposedly an unfit mother and grandmother, and have no business with children. I allegedly have a "loose grip" on reality, and rewrite history. I have supposedly hurt my adult daughter beyond repair, and of course am terrible for refusing to participate in her recent engagement .
My sister has not spoken to me for decades. When we were children, she would scream that I had no right to be born, that she should have been the first-born, and I should really die. Her temper tantrums were legendary. She has never changed her opinion of me. Oh she has come on sweet as sugar, usually when she has wanted something. My parents never wanted me, and my late, great aunt, who loved me dearly, was just feeling sorry for me, according to her.
This particular sister has a Masters in Clinical Social Work. She seems to have problems keeping a job in her field, and getting clients. That doesn't stop her from thinking she is a full-blown psychoanalyst. Her use of psychobabble is extreme and often rude, if not downright obnoxious.
I analyzed the facts, and did some deep research. It seems this particular sister was raising and slaughtering (with pellet pistols) rabbits and chickens for consumption within the confines of a large suburban area incorporated as its own city. It seems this is against that city's code (I checked with the city via email and was told absolutely illegal). It's OK for her to do this, apparently, but not the rest of the residents of this city.
That's OK now. She and her husband have moved to a place that sounds like the Unabomber's dream, well outside of our area. In their new home, they can burn wood, have compost toilets, grow their own food with the manure they leave behind, and not bother any of us again (one can hope anyway).
Now, this particular sister has never seen the photos of the mess my adult daughter left, to the point of feces in the same closet where my grandchildren's clothes were stowed. She has never seen the heaping styro plate upon styro plate of food, one piled on top of the other, and the children expected to eat that way. It was not this particular sister who received calls from the children's school, asking why they were sent with Jello, potato chips, Ho-Hos and a Little Debbie each as their sole lunch. This particular sister is not the one who was cautioned by the preschool teacher as to the middle child's TV viewing habits, which included descriptions of Maury Povich, Divorce Court and the Tonight Show. She is not the one who was asked repeatedly by the day care provider to please make my daughter pay her and to refill the baby's diaper bag with supplies. She is not the one who had her 4 year old granddaughter explain to her how many times Mommy bought Jack Daniel's in a week by singing the "Days of the Week" song.
In fact, I am so very aggravated that this person thinks, merely because she has heard the mewling of a bipolar alcoholic (our adult daughter), and because she did not like what she read in my past blog, that I am going to post, in this very blog, some of the photographs of our adult daughter's living space before the children were removed. WARNING! THIS IS SOME PRETTY GROSS STUFF!
<---This is the toilet in our adult daughter's old apartment. Yes, those are used sanitary supplies.
A better view of what our grandchildren were expected to use when they went potty.---------------->
<----The children's closet. The rest of their clothes were scattered all over the townhouse.
Yes, that is is ----->
cat feces piled up on the floor!
I could also show you the slimy kitchen sink, the piles of fuzzy styro plates, the empty cat food dish and the dry cat food bowl. I could show you cardboard dangerously piled into a closet, which shared space with a water heater. I could scan the signed affidavit by the apartment complex manager. I could have no less than four certified, degreed teachers, 2 accredited preschool teachers (one on the director's level), and two registered, licensed baby-sitters come online here and tell you what they know about the situation. Why should I? If you don't believe me, nothing is going to change that. You will find fault with the evidence, and pick it apart in an attempt to tear down my self-esteem in the matter.
The Mister and I have been through a home study, had financial records pulled, had physicals (mental and health), and paid a lawyer in order to adopt these children. Real experts, such as our attorney, the judge who was very thorough in her examination of the case, and the guardian ad litem- REAL experts- thought our petition for adoption was a good idea. Not only did our adult daughter eagerly sign the papers terminating her parental rights in favor of our adopting the children- She contacted the attorney before he could contact her. Our daughter's ex-husband was equally eager to sign away his rights.
My point: Her opinion is not worth much. It does not bother me what she thinks. It only bothers me a little what her current manipulation victims think (because I think my youngest sister should be able to invite whomever she likes to her house without fear of reprisal).
My parents are still alive. My mother, who did not have a good childhood, and her sister, my late, great aunt, are/ were very much in favor of what the Mister and I have done in regards to the children. My other sisters have told me repeatedly we are doing a beautiful job with them.
Really, truly consider the source when somebody tells you that you're too old, too crazy, not up to the task when it comes to this job. Listen to your heart. Pray. Talk with your clergy person. Listen to RELIABLE advice, not some Green Acres wannabe.
As a side bar- If you are the particular sister in question, or my adult daughter, and you don't like this blog, TOO BAD.