The Retread Parent- Both Sides, Now: February 2013

Monday, February 11, 2013

SHOULD YOU NEED ASSISTANCE

I've been writing this blog for five years now. There isn't a whole lot a person can say about the subject at this point.

Either you support grandparents adopting their grandchildren when they can't be brought up by their parents, or you do not. Either you support giving grandparents who honestly have examined themselves and found out they can't raise their grandchildren, and respect that, or you do not. I'm certainly not going to waste my time trying to convince child welfare workers they don't understand, nor am I going to waste another moment on the Lulubelles and Juniors of this world, who think they are entitled to the lives of their children simply because they gave birth to them.

I remember a year and a half ago, I mentioned in an entry that several friends were leaving homeschooling in favor of back-and-mortar school. Toward that end, it appears we will most likely be joining the throng.

There are new opportunities every day for academically gifted kids, beyond what the regular public school offers. The Mister and I are planning on moving again, to a place where those possibilities can be obtained. I will be driving a lot and working part time to make those possibilities happen.

I might pop in once or twice, should something happen in the news that deals with the circumstances of grandparents raising grandkids. And I'll leave up a set of links to help grandparents new to the idea of taking over where their adult children have tragically left off.

If you have questions, or concerns, send a comment or email to the addy attached to this blog. Have a wonderful life, and enjoy those grandkids!

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

...A Pause in Action...

I would never have stumbled across it if it had not been for the family cat and a certain social media. The cat likes my circa 2008 refurbished laptop. She likes it because it heats up rather quickly. If I don't remember to put the screen down, Kitty will lie across the keyboard, kneading her paws. This causes keys to activate. Sometimes she turns on iTunes. Sometimes she turns on the DVD player. The key pattern she kneaded on Sunday locked me out of that particular social media for 24 hours.

I have trouble with those little soft keys on Android phones. I miss and hit other keys, either on the left or right of the intended letter. So, while I could still access my account, I had to use that dinky keyboard to input. And no, I don't have a keyboard attachment for an Android phone. I have yet to figure out why I could access my account via the Android but not social media. It was never fully explained.

However, I do have access to that social media through another account. I seldom, if ever use it, because that social media is particularly good about keeping its server farm in high gear. But once, about three years ago, I was in a group that the social media was going to upgrade, so they shut off my regular account for three days. It seemed like a good time to use the alternate account again.

I wish I hadn't. I found a diatribe by my Lulubelle. It was about me. It was old, but that didn't make it hurt less. It was in response to that whole incident with my sending my son, Junior, a birthday gift, and he, forgetting that he lied to me on more than one fact in his life, got angry because I suggested he take out a nice girl with the restaurant gift cards I enclosed, in addition to a scrapbook of family photos from his past and some events on which he missed out. It seems his girlfriend- he calls her his fiancee, but their daughter is four now- it seems that she and he live together. The girlfriend didn't take off on him before the baby was born, as he told me the Christmas before last, when he popped out of the woodwork, trying to get his birth certificate. It does make me wonder which name he is using at present. He signed the return receipt on the gift with his middle name and a Hispanic surname. His birth certificate is the name he was given at adoption. On social media, he uses his birth name.

But this is more about Lulubelle and her social media tirade.

In her diatribe, she accused me of diagnosing that she, Lulubelle, was bipolar. Of course, that's a lie. If I diagnosed it, wouldn't I be the one who wrote the prescriptions for all her medication that she didn't take? As it happens, the doctor in 2003 or 2004 wasn't the first to diagnose her. She was diagnosed back in 1991. I'm not a doctor, and I don't play one on TV, as we all know from prior blog entries.

Lulubelle also referenced things I said in a letter to my son (nice of him to share). What I told my son is the truth, and I can back up what I said with evidence. It's what I didn't say that my daughter claims I said that hurts and infuriates me. These weren't mere lies. They were out-and-out fantasies of a sick mind. I allegedly harassed her sister-in-law (if sending gifts or letters to one's daughter in care of somebody is harassment) and harassed her friends (ditto), as well as an entire online fan club (how do you do that). I allegedly kept her from her "real" father (the fact that we didn't know where he was from 1983 to 1988 had nothing to do with it- and then I had to keep tracking him down). I allegedly want to be a member of Mensa but can't be. Allegedly, the Mister and the children who live here are smart, but I am not. I allegedly mercilessly picked on my ex-son-in-law, and didn't deliver on photos promised to him and his mother (yeah right, considering the court ruled nobody has to give them photos). I allegedly accused Lulubelle and her ex-husband of a kidnapping plot. Yada, yada, yada. I have proof on the vast majority of this to refute it, and what I don't have I can easily obtain.

In any event, Lulubelle claimed as soon as she had the money, she was going to "reverse" (her words) the adoption. Which adoption, the Mister's adoption of her, or our adoption of the children who live here? Got me. Lulubelle wasn't coherent, to say the least.

If she means rescind or vacate (the correct terms) the adoption of the children here, I don't think so. The court went through special pains to ensure that she and her ex-husband understood what they were doing when they signed away their rights in front of a judge. Lulubelle contacted our attorney via a letter, asking for a court date to terminate her rights, before we even had a chance to sit down with him and make a plan.

It's been eight years since we received custody, and five years since the adoption, in a state that seals adoptions upon completion. There would have to be proof that Lulubelle and/ or her ex-husband didn't know what they were doing, or that the adoption was somehow fraudulent. There would also have to be proof that it is in the best interest of the children to rescind or vacate it.

Such an action would cost attorney's fees up-front, as Lulubelle's former attorney has let it be known in certain circles Lulubelle doesn't pay her debts as promised. There would also be the matter of child support arrears. Neither of Lulubelle nor Sonnyboy paid support for the children during the time we were the children's guardians. There is also some money Lulubelle signed in a promissory note, the damages on her rented abode, which we paid to the management group.

In any event, the petition would have to be heard in the state where the adoption occurred, and neither we nor Lulubelle nor Sonny live there. For us, we would expect our lawyer to ask the court to make Lulubelle and Sonny give us gas money and expenses. Both Lulubelle and Sonny would have to fly to the destination in question, several times. If Lulubelle could magically get this kind of money together, as she works in retail last I heard, it would take years for the petition to reach a conclusion in an order. By that time, the children would have lived with us for at least ten years. Belle would be at least sixteen.

If she wishes to rescind or vacate her adoption by the Mister, fine by the Mister at this point. He hopes Ex adopts both Lulubelle and Junior back. Legally, Lulubelle is an adult. It would be cheaper for her to simply change her name legally. She can also go to court where she and her biological father reside, and he can legally adopt her. Our consent isn't needed at this point. I doubt seriously Ex would bother, because that would mean money not spent on him and his motorcycle. I am sure if Lulubelle pays the freight he will happily go along with it, though.

Know what? I'm OK with it, too. She was my baby once. I carried her inside me. I raised her to be bright, to be independent, to be gracious and generous, to be intelligent. She might be bipolar, but she is also hurtful, unkind, obnoxious, and shallow. She doesn't remember why I did some of the things I did, some pretty large sacrifices I made, doesn't care to remember, and I can't refresh her memory at this point. In any event, she not only doesn't remember, she's gone into a world that doesn't exist. Ex and his wife have been together awhile, as well. Maybe Ex's wife would like to adopt a not-quite 35 year old bouncing baby girl, as well as a 33 year old bouncing baby boy. I wish them all well. It's hard enough to raise children under eighteen years of age. Bringing a 33 and 35 year old to some kind of maturity will be even harder.

The Retread Parent- Both Sides, Now

About Me

Monday, February 11, 2013

SHOULD YOU NEED ASSISTANCE

Bon Voyage

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

...A Pause in Action...