It's come to my attention that there are several grandparents out there with doubts as to what they did in rescuing their grandchildren. It seems their Juniors and Lulabelles work on them, whenever they're in contact, with their own version of the truth. These adult children try to manipulate the situation and the circumstances to suit themselves. It leaves Grandma and even Grandpa bewildered, and second-guessing themselves.
Maybe this will help you: Ultimate Truth is based on Faith, but everyday truth is based on facts. There needs to be a preponderance of facts with evidence in order to achieve actions based on truth. Mere faulty syllogisms and fabricated red herrings will not suffice.
I don't want you sitting there doubting yourself when so much is at stake. Your attorney might tell you that you have a case, but we're talking about your lying, conniving flesh-and-blood here. So whip out your spreadsheet program and make two wide columns with wrap-around text, and a third smaller column in the center (you'll probably have to go landscape on this one); in the alternative, haul out a pad of paper and a pencil, dividing the paper in half however you choose, leaving space in the center. The left is facts. The right is fabrications.
List the facts you know to be true in the matter, and how you know those facts are true. If you're using a spreadsheet, line them up on the left. Example: Lulabelle didn't just have an unkempt apartment, but there was extreme mold growth on the kitchen table from the 3 week supply of used dishes piled one on top of the other, unwashed and often with uneaten food. EVIDENCE- Dated photos of the mess. Second example: Junior attended no parent-teacher conferences, despite taking off work to do so. EVIDENCE- Note from kids' teachers, record log of calls from Junior's employer looking for him those days. And so on, and so on, until you have run the course of your facts.
Don't feel better yet?
Well, let's list Junior's or Lulabelle's alleged facts. Put them in the right column, and if using a spreadsheet, create them flush-right. Now, look over those alleged facts, and find the evidence for them to be true; odds are there isn't any. If there is no corroborating evidence, put a word that reminds you there isn't any in each box where there is none. I use the word MYTH, in big, bold letters. You might prefer LIE or FALSE.
Now, print out the spreadsheet, if you're using one; in any event, go get yourself a 12" ruler, unless you can draw lines well without one. Connect the myths on the right to your corresponding list of facts with evidence on the left. I'm betting that you have the proof to prove each of the allegations by your adult child false.
By this time, you should feel better about your decision to intervene in your grandchildren's lives. If you don't, maybe you need some time with a trusted clergy member or counselor who can help you unpack some of this. But I'm betting it does make you feel better, and it only cost some of your time.
Happy birthday this week to my eldest child, who created this life I live by her choices, which caused us in turn to make choices on behalf of our grandchildren. You didn't leave us much choice. We love you no matter what lies you spread about us, and what you choose to believe that you hear from others. However, we still will not tolerate the lies, the fabrication, the myths and the alterations in what really occurred. I remember holding you as a baby, caring for you as a young child when your biological father would not, and raising you to adulthood. I wish you better choices, and a good life.