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If you think this is about YOU, maybe you should go reconcile with your parent and work to get back your kids instead of continuing to be a jerk. If you think I am you, or similar to you, welcome! :-)

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Enabling Grandparents: Case In Point

Jane recently raised the topic of enabling grandparents, who allow the adult children to behave in their irresponsible fashions, who are allowed to treat their parents much in the same way they would treat a combo ATM/ slave, who either abuse or ignore their children to the point where the grandparents are raising them, but Mama or Daddy call the tune.

I think one of the biggest cases of enabling an adult child has been the case of the octuplets born in the LA area to a single woman, never married, who already has six children:


To quote the AP writer, Raquel Maria Dillon,

"Nadya Suleman wanted to have children since she was a teenager, 'but luckily she couldn't,' her mother said.
"'Instead of becoming a kindergarten teacher or something, she started having them, but not the normal way,' her mother said.
"Her daughter's obsession with children caused Angela Suleman considerable stress, so she sought help from a psychologist, who told her to order her daughter out of the house.
"'Maybe she wouldn't have had so many kids then, but she is a grown woman,' Angela Suleman said. 'I feel responsible and I didn't want to throw her out.'"

I love babies, don't get me wrong. I do not think any of these children, however they were conceived, should have been aborted through selective reduction.

Miss Nadya is not married. She has a degree in child and adolescent development and was studying for a Master of Arts in counseling (as if that wouldn't scare you about going to a counselor). I don't know if this is very marketable. The father is a sperm donor, and whoever he is, he's allegedly the father of ALL fourteen.

But Mama was told to tell her to leave by an expert. Mama didn't have the heart. Mama felt responsible. So Miss Nadya, unmarried and a participant in the Kaiser Permanente health plan, now has 14 children. I would bet you dollars to donuts that Nadya is expecting Mama to help out with all 14.

Mama told Nadya that "I won't be there" when Nadya gets out of the hospital. So, Mama is moving out, but Nadya and the brood get to stay. Grandpa Suleman is going to Iraq to earn more money to support this bunch. Nobody expects this young woman to actually do what is necessary to raise her children.

If this young woman isn't the poster child for enabling adult progeny, I don't know who is. Let's see if we can analyze the situation and ourselves learn from it.

NEXT: Fear and Intimidation

1 comment:

Jane (a.k.a. patjrsmom) said...

I am so thoroughly enjoying reading your thoughts on this. I have been watching on the sidelines--although occasionally being drawn into--the dramas of several adult children out of a family of eleven children (the youngest of whom is 11) where "Grandma" and "Grandpa" just don't know what to do anymore. In some cases, the situation deteriorates so badly that the police become involved (although, somehow the children remain with the adult child...) and then it blows over, and the grandparents believe the adult child is "changing his/her ways" until the next time when it starts all over again. And you are so right in understanding their motivation. Grandma (especially) is terrified of losing contact with the grandchildren and then not having any idea what might happen to them. Grandma and Grandpa have been foster parents for 30 plus years and it is simply heartwrenching to watch them dealing with the exact same behaviors that their foster situations were like.

Lots of prayer...and thanks for sharing...