About Me

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If you think this is about YOU, maybe you should go reconcile with your parent and work to get back your kids instead of continuing to be a jerk. If you think I am you, or similar to you, welcome! :-)

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

More About Me

I get more email than comments, which is fine by me. But the questions make me think I'm not communicating in the best way about myself and my family. So, here goes:

  • No, we are not broke. Thank you for asking me, and thank you for offering money. We don't need it, but it's very sweet of you to offer. I have been broke. I have lived in what amounted to Section 8 housing for about 6 months with the people who are now my adult children, when they were under aged children. I have had food stamps and used a food pantry prior to my grandchildren moving in with us, a long time ago, back in the late 1980s. I used the human resources system when my grandchildren came to live with us FOR THEM because I did not want to be broke. Their parents were not paying child support, and the children qualified for what they received. As I've told people earlier, legally grandparents are not obligated to pay the expenses of their grandchildren unless they adopt the grandchildren, and well then the grandkids are the kids. But no, presently, my family is not broke.
  • So yes, to those two people who felt the need to ask, I do have time to sit on my rear end and write in my blog, as if that is anybody's business. I don't watch a great deal of TV, which frees me up to do lots of things.
  • I know how to do research. That's where I find a lot of my information. I research on the Internet. Yes, I also know how to research in books, film and other media in a library setting. The Internet and the very large local library do not have the same information. I have even performed research professionally, in such places as no less than the National Archives.
  • I don't like to divulge a lot of information about my kids, even the adult one who caused so much trouble. I only released the photos of her bathroom to show her that I mean business. It seems she now regrets her decision to terminate her parental rights, after four years. She has to know that I will still do whatever it takes for the grandchildren. She is a legal adult and allegedly able to take care of herself.
  • I can't give specific information for every circumstance and every state. The closest I came was the food stamps entry. I will do an entry on school lunches in a few days.. That will be pretty universal. But specifics by states- no can do. You need to learn to do your own research. Mine is just a starting point.
  • I don't think there's anything wrong in the instance of people who owe others money and attempt to take advantage of others, with mailing these people their things and being generous with the rocks in the yard, and the cologne accidentally spilling on the contents of the package, or cat feces accidentally ending up in the box. Perhaps it is not Christian, perhaps it is. It is a definite instruction to the ignorant, one of the Spiritual Works of Mercy. If it does not bear wrongs patiently, perhaps living in a finite world, patience has an end limit.

2 comments:

Jane (a.k.a. patjrsmom) said...

I have watched as grandparents I know have cared for their grandchildren when the adult child has not. Sadly, in the family I'm thinking of, there are adult children in line to neglect their parenting duties and a grandparent who feels obligated to maintain the safety and welfare of her grandchildren. Almost to the point of enabling the adult child. Any suggestions about how to break that chain?

God Bless,
Jane

The Dual Role Grandma said...

This is a really, really hard line to walk because of the threat of losing contact with the grandchildren over some misplaced word, or mistaken action by the adult child. When we dealt with this situation, we received threats, etc., as well as being told outright we "owed" our adult child because she had bothered to carry our grandchildren to term. Glory be to God that she did, but that didn't entitle her to our lifetime financial support!

This is a really good topic for an entry. But in the interim, I would say:

* Be aware the enabling is there. It becomes a habit over time. The Mister was sucked into this, until our adult child barricaded herself in her townhome and threatened to kill the kids, then herself.
* Be there, even if it means swallowing one's words for the interval. Be at school. Be the baby-sitter.
* Watch what's going on and bide one's time, carefully picking one's battles.
* While keeping one's big mouth shut and playing the waiting game, collect evidence of suspected neglect as best one can. A cell phone with a camera is a marvelous tool in this instance. It records the neglect along with time-stamps from the Internet, and makes it appear Grandma and Grandpa just want photos of the darling babies. A journal telling what happened of suspected abuse and when is also great.
* When the moment strikes, take it.

As far as having a little talk with the adult child, by the time it becomes enabling the adult child, it really does no good, in one ear, out the other.