Not Extreme Couponing Part I

As long as we are in TV mode-

In trying to save money for those silly luxuries for the second set of children, such as rent, food and clothes, a TV show might pop up on the radar. Extreme Couponing is offered several times a week on TLC, but airs its newest shows usually on Wednesdays (Right now that interferes in a big way with Justified, a much more worthy show in my opinion, and no, the kids aren't allowed to watch it).

I noticed something in watching DVRd episodes of Extreme Couponing:

• The couponers buy things they don't necessarily use. Some give those items to homeless shelters and food pantries, but too many extreme couponers keep those items as trophies. When it comes to collecting items not used, that's a collection at best and hoarding at worst.
• It takes a lot of space to store all that stuff. I noticed one woman used the underside of her daughter's platform bed, and kudos to her. Others have had to make over basements and garages, to the point where cars and expensive tools are shoved aside to keep the stockpile dry. 
• Coupon matching is crucial. If a body doesn't have an exact match-up for those particular coupons in the various ad papers in the various stores, there is no extreme savings. There can be savings, to be sure, but if you're watching them and thinking you'll get it for free as well, well, unless you have the same sales right now, um, no.  
• Extreme couponers often, but not always, live in areas where there is at least one store that doubles coupons up to $1. I live in an area where NOBODY doubles coupons. 
• Getting 70 coupons of one item cost money, in that one either has to use the gas to go dumpster diving, the shoe leather to go collecting coupons off people's doorsteps (Are you SURE he doesn't want to keep them?), or paying a coupon-clipping service. If the coupons aren't used, then the price of those coupons should be added into the monthly total spent. It only makes sense that despite purchase, sometimes it is better not to use a coupon.  

Call me cynical.  The twin sisters in my neck of the woods who collected diapers for one even though she had no children floored me. WHY? Why waste the space? And here's a news flash: Even diapers break down, as does toothpaste. Diapers are paper and plastic made to break down in landfills. Toothpaste, like mayonnaise, is an emulsion that separates in time. 

All this TV publicized thrift, combined with attending classes with the Girl Scouts through Chasing4Life, did made me consider the thought that it would be a good idea to have a stockpile of necessary stuff. 

I'm not LDS, but I have always been an admirer to a degree of any religious group that could feed itself and others in such a practical, American fashion of home storage; that is, provided the members remember FIFO (first in, first out) and keep tabs on the expiration dates. I have heard tales of mold and other nastiness creeping into those stockpiles of two years' worth of food and necessities. We won't discuss the canning plants run by the LDS, simply state that they are there for their members who choose to use them, and the food I've tasted from these plants has been pretty good. 

I must admit, the older I get, the less I like shopping for the mundane items, such as toothpaste, crushed tomatoes, popcorn and butter. It's nice to be able to get off one's haunches and simply meander to the shelves or the big freezer for deodorant, ice cream or ham, instead of walking to the store or worse, driving to the store.

Chasing4Life has a point about being prepared for an emergency. I've sat through 2 hurricanes (count 'em) and more than my share of blizzards (I didn't always live North), and watched people suffer without stuff or money to immediately buy new stuff or get silly luxuries such as water. When we made the emergency kits, much to the kids' delight, I did insist that they NOT be stored in bucket-style containers with lids, ala Rubbermaid and Sterlite, but in backpacks with frames or new garbage cans with wheels. What if the car doesn't work? Who is walking lugging tubbies? I also insist we rotate the stock in the emergency kits via FIFO, which I first learned as a crew member for Mikky D's a long, long, long time ago. 

And I am trying my best to keep my pledge to lower the cost of food, household support items and toiletries to 25% less than last year, despite rising gas prices that cause rising food prices. $7041 in a year is a lot of money to spend on anything, but on dish soap and potatoes it's surreal. I know my kids are hitting that age where they will eat us out of house and home, so it only makes sense to stock up. 

But stockpiling stuff we don't use? Illogical! 

Space Study & Pawn Stars Have the Right Stuff for Home Education

"Look, there's Gus Grissom!"

"I don't know how Corey can't know those signatures! Look, Gene Kranz!"

"He can't even pronounce 'Wally Schirra' properly! Next time we go to Vegas, can we go to Gold & Silver and buy that?"

Our family does not go to Vegas as a matter of course; in fact, our kids have never been to Vegas. But we are faithful viewers of "Pawn Stars" on the History Channel, DVRing it for later viewing in the daytime. The girls have suggested several times that we take a family trip to Nevada, and of course the Gold & Silver Pawn Shop would be on our list of things to see, right next to Hoover Dam and the Ethel M factory tour. 

We watch the show for a variety of reasons. I like the Old Man, as we both spent time in Uncle Sam's Yacht Club (the Navy). The Mister likes the weapons and Tortuga Trading. The kids, while fascinated at the 1950s items, usually watch it for ChumLee's antics, or to see if Big Hoss will make a crazy buy. Everybody likes Rick, who seems to have the job of ringmaster someplace in his job description.

But we never expected to have the serendipitous fortune of having an episode tie into our home education study of NASA and the space program, which has tended to go off in tangents at times in any event.

We started our study not because of some deep love of space, or physics, or even history. Blame this one on Baby's recent fascination with Clint Eastwood. After studying the Spaghetti Western and 1970s Police genre for Humanities, we sought to combine her interests with Belle's interest in sci-fi. The result: Space Cowboys, possibly the best movie in 2000.

Space Cowboys could not be appreciated without viewing Apollo 13. Apollo 13 could not be appreciated without the Right Stuff. And the Right Stuff was the perfect interjection of the old folks in the house!      

Yes indeed, kiddies, we lived the adventure of Freedom 7. We knew the heartbreak of the Apollo fire. We know where we were when Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon (I was watching Cubs baseball, of course). It came to us in black and white TV via CBS, NBC and ABC, the only major networks at the time. No, the cable industry was subjected to burial by the theater industry, and wouldn't resurrect itself until the early 1970s. The appearance of an astronaut at some public function was like an audience with Paul VI, Queen Elizabeth II and the Beatles combined!

Apparently, our stories sparked enough interest to perform research on how the first rockets were launched, the differences between each of the three original NASA astronaut programs, to the point where the kids asked to learn to do better, faster research. There are still model rockets to be made, and a research report on their favorite astronaut. 

It was not Space Cowboys that won the Retread Parent Film Festival, but Apollo 13. They sat on the edge of the sofa, holding their collective breath at each twist and turn. They paused the DVD, then slowly paced through the panels to see just what it was the NASA engineers were using to build a CO2 filter. They then debated whether they could have done the same, why a tube sock was or wasn't a good idea, and whether duct tape had been invented by NASA (it was not). They held printouts of production notes in their hands, and cheered when they discovered Jim Lovell's cameo in the film as skipper of the Iwo Jima.

So when it came time to rev up the DVR for this episode of  "Pawn Stars" they were somewhat experts of the knowledge of which astronauts and crew were part of the Gemini missions, and whose signatures should have been on the photograph brought in for sale. While they could not have authenticated the signatures (that would be Drew Max), they certainly knew who should or should not have signed the danged thing.

Perhaps we can take a field trip to Vegas in October, when the Vegas tourist season changes. We're not bound by the schedule of the brick-and-mortar schools, and there are other activities there besides gambling (although the kids learned to count cards somewhere- but that's another story). It might be nice to at least look at the Gemini photograph, and have them call out the signatures, and tell a little something about each astronaut or engineer.

For now, maybe we can make a trip to Jim Lovell's restaurant. 

(For more great blog posts, see this week's Carnival of Homeschooling @http://www.eduwrit.com/blog/?p=2867.)
           

Saving Money, Coupons, and Do They Really Eat That Much?

Does it seem as if all you do is buy food for your grandkids? Even the little ones eat, and eat, and eat! It's seems as if it didn't cost this much when you were raising their parent, although you do remember the time Waldo munched his way through the contents of your freezer in his early teens during a growth spurt. Add to this the fact that, as you get older, you probably aren't eating as much as you used to eat in a meal. Your doctor might even have you on six small meals a day instead of the standard 3 squares you used to cook when you raised your first set of kids.

There's no question that kids EAT. It also shouldn't shock you that it cost a LOT more to feed the little goobers. If you are not prepared for the change in your market habits as well as the cost you will incur, well, sit down, call your doctor and see if you need some more blood pressure medication. 

I spent $7041 last year on not just groceries, but napkins, paper towels, styro plates, disposable plastic utensils, toilet paper, paper lunch sacks, plastic wrap, foil, plastic bags for sandwiches, plastic bags for snacks (smaller), plastic bags for freezing produce (larger), wine and other adult beverages, dish detergent, dishwasher detergent, laundry detergent, bleach, fabric softener, scrub pads, and cat food. Some people separate the non-edibles and pet supplies from the real food. I don't. I buy them all at the same places, despite what late 20th century how-to books on budgeting say about the matter. That's about $585 a month on average.

When it comes to fresh produce, I buy only what we will use if it is not on extreme sale, or try to buy a minimum, anyway. Everything else, I try to bring it home and freeze it. I am thinking of a second freezer, along with the one in my garage (upright), as well as the one attached to my refrigerator. If prices are low enough on a produce item, such as they were on green beans this past week, I will buy a lot of it and freeze it. 

I shop sales almost religiously. I have a sense on when the best sales are for particular items at particular times of the year. And I am guilty, guilty, guilty of buying items some people would never consider purchasing, such as styro plates, plastic bags and soda pop. I suppose I could go to GFS or some other wholesaler and get those deep-sided heavy paper trays that are green-friendly. I suppose I could bring my own bags; thing is, I never remember them, and it's a whole lot easier to make a lunch and toss it into a very recyclable lunch sack. I'm not getting any younger.

My first store of choice: Big Lots. That's right, Big Lots. Yes, shopping must occur there with a watchful eye, but you'd be surprised what you can find there. My second store of choice: Walmart. My third store of choice: A local grocery that has some really good sales and specializes in Italian foods. 

I am not above buying day-old bread, and scavenge the "last chance" produce cart. Due to freezing temperatures, for example, tomatoes and bell peppers are priced twice to three times what they cost last year. However, I scrounged a few pounds of tomatoes at 49 cents a pound, and 99 cents a pound on bell peppers. The tomatoes don't freeze well, but the bell peppers do and did. I have a shelf on my freezer with organic baguettes I picked up on closeout for 50 cents each.

Big Lots does not take manufacturer coupons, more the pity. Walmart and my Italian grocer do. I freely admit that I have not always coupon'd well, and am just starting again. My kiddos are afraid I am going to turn into one of those people on "Extreme Couponing" and make them sleep with shelves of stuff we will never use. That isn't likely to happen, as I only get coupons for what we will use, and try not to let our decor reflect a taste in Early Warehouse.

It doesn't hurt any of us to trim our budgets. When it comes to raising a second set of kids, it's a necessity.  

In Praise of the Legal Profession

I've discovered most people hire lawyers under extreme duress. This is often not the best time to hire an attorney, but often the most critical. Folks depend on attorneys at this time, when their lives, or the lives of loved ones, are at stake, and to be decided by a judge or a jury. 

There are jokes about attorneys, their cut-throat business sense, their evil ways in the courtroom, their lack of honesty and integrity. Yet, most people would not want to enter a courtroom without one at their sides.

I'm here to tell you lawyers put their pants on one leg at a time, same as the rest of us. Yes, they charge money for their services, money which is their due for their expertise. Most are not out to cheat their clients. Some are generous with their time and give back to the community through pro bono work (free access to their services).

The older I get, the more I seem to end up in courtroom situations, thankfully not in the criminal courts, but in civil courts. These instances have ranged from accusations of a delicate nature (proven to be unfounded and untrue), to a bottom-feeder collection agency trying to make us pay a bill that was not ours (They did not expect us to show up in court with evidence to the contrary). The Mister and I were able to get by without an attorney in two of them. The first time we were able to do so was due to the law in that state working toward pro se, or self-represented, law. The second instance was because the case was small claims and I had time to deal with it. 

Only once did we have a truly bad attorney. He took our money and did absolutely nothing, including not speaking with the other party's representation and not showing up for court. He then blabbed confidential information about us over his supper table. We knew because his kid went to school with our kid, and his kid used some of the information to taunt our kid. It is no surprise that he no longer practices law, and it is no surprise that yours truly made it her business to make sure he curtailed his law practice.

When a grandparent discovers the need for an attorney to assist in the process of custody or adoption of a grandchild, the stress is even greater.  A child's life, a child's future is at stake. The parent in question may be abusive not only to the child, but to the concerned grandparent, in order to intimidate that grandparent into dropping the whole matter. It's never a good time to spend what could amount to thousands of dollars, and one's golden years are not one of the best times to peer down the path of so many more years of raising a child. Some people feel intimidated by courts in general and attorneys in particular. They think of TV shows and celebrity court cases. The legal system is not as user-friendly as it should be, and is a mystery to a lot of people. An attorney, therefore, is not a luxury, but a necessity a great deal of the time.

It seems a good time to point out that while the attorney you hire is on your team because of his or her expertise, you are hiring an attorney. The attorney will work for you. Odds are the attorney will represent your grandchild's best interest only as a side effect (peripherally). YOU are the party going to court to ask that something be done (petition). YOU are the one being represented through the attorney, because you probably don't know a dang thing about the law, especially as it pertains to custody of your grandchild. 

Should your relationship with the attorney be that of other people you hire, such as lawn mowers, housekeepers or repair people? No. You will be the prospective attorney's client. The attorney is not your hired hand, your lackey or your hairdresser. But you should expect some courtesy and respect as somebody paying big bucks to solve a big problem. 

So, how do you hire an attorney?

• Attorneys are people, with their own personalities and approaches to the Law. Think about your own personality before you interview.
• Don't be swayed by ads in the phone book or on the Internet. There some attorneys out there with big ads who don't do anything but hand off cases to associates, who may or may not be good at what they do. Do your homework BEFORE you meet attorneys for initial interviews. Google their names, to be sure there aren't a lot of complaints on various web sites from people who have not had good results from this attorney or that. One or two complaints is not an issue, because not everybody gets along, and a few people have extreme expectations of what an attorney can accomplish. But if you see repeated complaints, steer clear. 
• Also check your local state attorney disciplinary board. Many states have databases where prospective clients can research prospective attorneys for actions against them by the state. Yes, you can check the Better Business Bureau, and word-of-mouth has its own benefits. But there are a minority of shark lawyers out there, and if your state has had to discipline one of your prospective attorneys, think twice about hiring such a person.
• When you have a list of possible attorneys, set up appointments to interview them. Many attorneys give this initial interview free of charge, or for a minimal ($50-$100) fee. 
• If you feel uncomfortable in the interview process, take along a trusted relative or friend.
• Write a brief summary of what you hope to accomplish, and what evidence you have to support your desire. This will keep things on track, and you won't waste the attorney's  or your time.
• Don't be afraid to ask the tough questions. Don't hold back information on the case in question when asked particular questions. 
• Be conversational, but don't tell the attorney your life story. This is not a therapy session.
• Remember that age should not be a factor when choosing an attorney. An older, seasoned attorney might just feel you have no business giving up your golden years to raise a child, while a younger attorney might just be the ticket to representing you against an equally young respondent. 
• Go ahead and ask HOW MUCH WILL THIS COST. The specifics you should learn at the interview are general guidelines on the retainer and rate per hour. The retainer is money paid up-front, much like a deposit. The rate per hour is then subtracted from the retainer. 
• Some attorneys will want the projected entire amount in advance before they commit to do any work on the case. Some attorneys will take a small retainer, subtract their hourly rate from that, and expect either a monthly replenishment of the retainer or a new retainer when funds are exhausted. Some attorneys charge a flat rate per hour. Some attorneys charge less if their paralegals do the work. ASK.
• If a particular attorney does not want to represent you, he or she will tell you. Don't press him or her. Thank him or her and go on to the next attorney.   This particular attorney may not have the expertise in family law to handle your case well. He or she may have interviewed with or represented your adult child recently, and there's a conflict of interest. It might be a simple matter of timing. Law schools turn out more attorneys every year. You'll be able to find one, never fear.

Once you have found the attorney for you, do your best with this business relationship to keep things on an even keel:

• There will be an exchange of very personal information with the attorney on your part, but it is a BUSINESS relationship. Do not drive your attorney crazy with constant phone calls, every little thing that bothers you, and every antic your adult child pulls to try to get you to stop your case. Good attorneys have experience in people skills, but they are not psychologists. And remember, every minute you spend on the phone with your attorney or the paralegal cost money. It's a good time to get a therapist or join a support group, anyway.
• The converse is also true. Tell your attorney when the unusual or an emergency happens. Examples of such emergencies are being threatened with physical harm by your adult child, kidnapping of the grandchild by the adult child, private detectives on your front lawn, harassing phone calls, stalking.
• Pay your attorney bills, on time. I knew of a young man who tried to stiff his attorney-mediator. It ended badly for him in court. Attorneys have families and expenses, and are not made of money.
• Seriously consider your attorney's advice to you and then DO WHAT HE OR SHE TELLS YOU TO DO. You are paying for expertise here.
• Show up for court dates before the time set, in appropriate attire. This is not the time to show how young Grandma looks in her spandex pants, or how nice Grandpa's gold chains look against his chest hair.
• When you have court orders, follow your attorney's advice on how to comply with those orders. Again, the attorney was hired for expertise. If you have questions, ASK.

The Four Topics of Grandparental Parenting

I get a lot of private comments via email, even if I don't have a strong readership. That's OK. I'm not out here to make a big splash for myself. I am here to help relatives, especially grandparents, with a a sad situation that occurs too often in the United States, that of parenting grandchildren, nieces, nephews, cousins, etc., whether for a short time of the long haul. 

Toward that end, there seem to be four consistent topics that pop up every time:

• How to get and keep custody of such children.
• How to pay for the upkeep of such children.
• How to function daily to raise such children, especially with the problems of aging, such as lower energy and physical imparity.
• Contact with the absent parent, especially when that parent has either been abusive or obnoxious to the caregiving relative.

Those are the four topics I shall cover at this point. If I have to delve off into my own extended family, I shall do so only on rare occasion and out of necessity. They really need no further attention.

"Morally and Ethically"

Some time ago, way back when I started blogging, I mentioned my sister who thought she knew more than anybody else. That same sister in the past week or so has posted through an Internet forum that I am "more than a few fries short of a picnic" and that I have delusions.

I am investigating the possibility of a lawsuit, primarily because everybody knows this is my sister, despite the use of a pseudonym. They therefore know that I am her only elder sister.

She claimed that "morally and ethically" there was nothing she could do about these alleged delusions I have. When I asked the Mister, a genuine philosophy professor, what one could mean by that, he said he didn't know, as my sister used the terms incorrectly.

To ease my own mind, let me state for the record that my sister lives on a farm with her husband, some 15 years her junior. One of her biggest brags is that they do not have water-supported toilets on this farm, but they defecate on some sort of composting device that uses sawdust. She and her husband later deposit the waste in their compost pile, along with dead animals and animal parts they have harvested from a variety of places, including deer road kill. This is what they use as fertilizer on their crops.

One of her biggest brags in the forum in question is that when our nephew visited with our brother, she showed him how to kill a rabbit, decapitate it and skin it. She thought it was hilarious to parade the living rabbits' procreation in front of the then 16 year old boy. She refers to her freezer where she stores the dead rabbits as "freezer camp".

Quite the contrast.

Also, for the record, we did not obtain the children currently in our care without having to subject ourselves to a home visit and psychological evaluation. We were repeatedly praised by various examiners not only for our clean home and solid mental state, but for raising children that were free from a great deal of the mental and physical problems that often are encountered by neglected children.

And yes, we have toilets supplied with plenty of running water.

A two-wheeled experience.

There are many experiences and items we have provided for our second set of children along the way. We have ensured their education. We have hauled them to concerts, plays, cultural enrichment events, scouts, grass in the yard, single home versus apartment or condo. If it even appeared good for them, we were on it, and they were in it.

Yet, somehow, we forgot to take the training wheels off the bikes.

We should have noticed last year, when they were riding with their knees and thighs out on either side. Belle did seem a bit uncomfortable, but with the Mister's illness the year before that, and moving, and the adoption, we never got around to purchasing and then teaching them to ride a two-wheel bicycle without training wheels. The bikes of three years ago just don't fit the children of today.

Santa Claus was wise enough to supply two dirt bikes this year.

He was also informed when he asked at the North Pole (wink, wink) in the bicycle department, that basically, girls ride the same bikes as boys when it comes to street bikes. Santa was eying a rather large, cumbersome lavender and pink bike, with a basket streamers on the handlebars. Santa was informed by the elf in the blue polo shirt that the bike Santa favored was for older women in their golden years, a nostalgia bicycle. If Santa was shopping for a girl in the 8-12 age bracket, it would be better if he looked at the fire red or sparkle indigo, low to the ground, the banana seat making its appearance from the 1960s, and no basket or bell. What was Santa to do? He took one of each, with matching helmets.

Both bikes and helmets were well-received Christmas morning. A few days later, they were moved to the garage. The bikes have stayed in the garage until warmer weather. And now warmer weather is here.

"We have perfectly good bikes in the garage, and can't ride them." complained Baby.

"I can get a wrench and take the training wheels off the old bikes, and put them on the new bikes " volunteered Belle.

So, with the Mister enjoying a rare day off, we are off to right this wrong in a local parking lot that is basically unused all day. He will hold up each bike, as he did for the kids' elder brother and sister, who used to be their uncle and mother. After we are sure they can handle it, we will allow them to gradually, week by week, expand their traveling boundaries, until they are free to explore the subdivision.