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If you think this is about YOU, maybe you should go reconcile with your parent and work to get back your kids instead of continuing to be a jerk. If you think I am you, or similar to you, welcome! :-)

Thursday, April 12, 2012


I thought younger women had more sense. I was wrong. In addition to the bumper crop of Lulabelles out there- a minority to be sure but still enough of them for grandparents who raise the resulting children to have blogs and boards- SuperMoms are rising out of cabbage patches everywhere, and with them, SuperGrams.
You remember SuperMom from the 1980s, if you were alive in the 1980s. SuperMom was based on the dream of NOW, men who didn't want to be the sole breadwinners; and parents taken with the novelty of girls being exactly the same as boys, but couldn't quite reconcile themselves to dressing their daughters as junior construction men. The concept thrust young women into a mold they couldn't possibly accomplish without having something give way.

SuperMom kept an immaculate house. SuperMom had one-to-two super children, who went to every extracurricular activity imaginable, and excelled in them all. Naturally, they were perfectly groomed and got all As in school. SuperMom had a full time job, and that job was fulfilling, and wonderful, and made a LOT of money for the family. This meant SuperMom could be dressed in the latest fashion, take the family on frequent vacations to exotic places, and still have time to be a sex kitten to the Mister. Nobody was turned down by SuperMom. Charities, extra work at the office, PTA, kids' sports: They all received SuperMom's attention. This did not stop SuperMom from shopping, saving the family money, cooking gourmet meals that the kids and the Mister alike devoured with ecstasy.

This is why I thought SuperMom was long gone. Even those who filled the mold of SuperMom perfectly got tired of being the only to clean the house, when not even the once-a-week maid was doing it enough to make a difference. Meals became so iffy that kids thought they should be given a kiddy menu at the family table and started coloring on the tablecloth. SuperMom was tired, too tired for marital relations, too tired to get together coupons to shop, and fell asleep at the table for ten for the charity fund raiser she personally planned- before the first course. 

And those who had more than two kids, who had no husbands, who had no glamor jobs, who barely had time for a cup of coffee and ate dry cereal out of a plastic bag for breakfast? They figured it out first. Some of them saw a stream of income in the SuperMom. They created cleaning companies, online administrative assistant concerns, even errand services. The rest got part time jobs, telecommuted or quit all together, figured out how make choices, and became much happier. 

But SuperMom is making a resurgence, and following on her heels is SuperGram. 

SuperMom has ONE child this time. Any more is an alleged detriment to the first child, SuperMom, her husband and Society (with a capital S). As before, SuperMom's employment must be glamorous, must pay lots of money, and must make her dress in the height of business casual fashion. Even if her job is not glamorous, she must pretend it is and make everybody think it is. 

SuperMom no longer has to clean her own home, thanks to the smart cookies who created maid services. SuperMom no longer cooks, unless it is her hobby or a weekend barbeque (then she makes the salad and the Mister grills). Her child thinks food comes out of a drive-through window, or she has a personal chef who makes up a batch of meals for the week. The lawn and the outer environs are tended by a variety of immigrants, who aren't too expensive and use heavy equipment.

Everybody in the family has his or her own schedule, and with it their own agenda. Why not? After all, SuperMom works hard, often harder than her husband, and frequently makes more. 

The single kid has a life filled with school, school activities after school, afterschool care, homework, scouts, baseball, basketball, football, traveling teams, cheer, dance. The kid has a standing hair appointment at Kiddee Klippers, and if the kid is a girl, add a mani/ pedi session. This is not older kids, this is all kids, from preschool up. The kid gets up, gets dressed, and is often whisked to school for breakfast, and doesn't make it home until bedtime or later. SuperMom can't make it, Dad can't make it? No problem. The daycare center offers bus service, and somebody invented ToddlerTaxi and the like. Car pools are arranged before the first planning meeting of any activity.  The drivers have been screened for prior child predator activity. The children all have cell phones, and with the cell phones, GPS tracking. SuperMom feels her child is safe out there in the world.

What about the stress that drove SuperMom to eschew this lifestyle in the first place? Why there's the weekend! SuperMom works hard all week. She is entitled to her weekend. After all, there are NotSuperMoms who can be coerced into toting the child to various activities and plans. Dad has his golf, his pick-up basketball game with his buddies, his poker game, race track seat, baseball box. SuperMom is spending the weekend with the other SuperMoms. They need facials, and mani/ pedis. They need to lunch. They need to go to the gym, and might even exercise. They need to attend the Friday happy hour, the Saturday buffet with booze, the Sunday morning brunch with mimosas and bloody Marys, with their girls, and those aren't female children. These are not kid-friendly situations, sometimes not even husband-friendly situations. Of course, the child is successfully occupied with traveling teams, arts and crafts classes, and other myriad of activities.

What if the system fails? What if the mom with more than one kid gets tried of schlepping SuperMom's Precious all over the place? What if ToddlerTaxi doesn't make it, or doesn't work on the weekends? Will SuperMom miss her cocktail-driven relaxation? Will Dad miss his poker game?

Oh fear not! They don't like to call on her, because she's getting on (50+!). They don't like her politics, and she has that nasty religion habit that they can't seem to squeeze into a weekend. But she can be pressed into service with guilt and manipulation.

I give you- SuperGram!

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